Notes from my Knapsack 8-17-23

Notes from my Knapsack 8-17-23
Jeff Gill

Things to think about now, not later
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Back in May I invited readers to think about the ways we used to care for elderly and ailing family members, before hospitals and nursing homes and assisted living became common solutions to what used to be less common dilemmas.

You've probably picked up over time on the fact that I've spent the last three years spending increasing amounts of time on doing home care. The details don't matter, just that I've ended up making some pretty major life changes (occupationally, personally) to adjust to the needs of aging relatives, and I know from many, many conversations this is a quietly common situation.

To all the many "have you considered" suggestions, I can only say you can only imagine. Which is why I wanted to put this "out there" in the platform this paper allows me:

If you are any age past about 25, it is not too soon to start thinking strategically about 3 categories:

a) Your own retirement living plans & financing,
b) How to deal with same for elderly relatives you can talk to about this, &
c) What to do with those who can't/won't discuss it.

Let's start with b) because it's the easy one. Mostly. If you have a parent or grandparent or other relation to whom you're close, and they are willing to talk about aging and care, they probably already have. God bless those who have sat down adult children and told them "here's my plan, here's what I have put where to do that, and here's how I see this working - what do you think?" May their tribe increase. And their numbers are, alas, too few.

I'll admit a) isn't exactly easy. Especially if you're younger. Save for retirement? Think about long term care coverage? Start sorting your accumulated accumulations now? What kind of a grumpy old man are you?

I'm that kind. Especially now. All sorts of things that are difficult or inconvenient at 35 are dang near impossible at 55. Trust me, financial advisors dread those conversations, when a person is pushing 60 and says "I have no savings other than Social Security, so what do I need to do now to retire?" At 62 or 65 or 67 for most of us moving forward, if you have zippity doo dah set aside, it's gonna be hard. Not impossible, but very hard. If you're 35, it's still possible; 45, doable; 55, feel the pain but see the goal.

Okay, finally c). These are hardest of all. The only thing I can offer is this: if you have an older family member whose situation you know you'll get called about if there's a medical emergency, and they aren't ready for needing care or support, and resist any conversation at all about it, you need to build a team. For YOU. You will need a team to make this work, whatever the end game is. Other family, friends, even co-workers, but if the relation won't talk, it's okay to talk about them, especially when you see mobility lessen and needs increasing.

Brainstorm, scenario out options, figure out what is doable. It may not be fun now, but it's so much harder when it's a tomorrow deadline, coming while you're standing in a hospital waiting room or funeral home lobby, asking each other "how will we take care of them?"


Jeff Gill is a writer, storyteller, and preacher in central Ohio; his sister has her hands full with our mom, too. Tell him about solutions to tricky problems you've found at knapsack77@gmail.com, or follow @Knapsack on Twitter.