Faith Works 5-1-21
Jeff Gill
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
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As the weather warms and we're more able to gather thanks to vaccinations and other loosening of travel restrictions and the like, many families that have had loved ones die in the last year are thinking about . . . ashes.
As the weather warms and we're more able to gather thanks to vaccinations and other loosening of travel restrictions and the like, many families that have had loved ones die in the last year are thinking about . . . ashes.
Due to coronavirus issues, quite a few families who had never thought about cremation or used that option previously have gone that route.
Along with financial concerns, the desire to "wait" on a memorial service meant that cremation made increasing sense. Cremated remains in a container, whether temporary or in an urn, became part of many homes, uneasily in some cases, less so in others. Sir Tom Jones was on the radio recently talking about how his late wife, after over sixty years of marriage, was cremated and he keeps her ashes on the dresser so she's the first person he greets in the morning and last he says good night to every day. Note: the Catholic Church discourages scattering as a way to "place" remains, though cremation is accepted today, with the urn then buried or placed intact.
In general, cremation has steadily become more popular in recent years, even if more so in 2020. Heading into the summer of 2021, there are a remarkable number of family groups who are now ready to call together relatives, to hold a memorial of some sort or another months or a year and more after the death at the heart of the matter, and to . . . scatter ashes. Which is where I've been getting some interesting requests for advice.
I know, it sounds simple, but if you've never been involved with doing it, you'll find pretty quickly there are issues involved. And I'm finding I need to keep a few lines handy to copy and paste into replies for friends and strangers alike.
Yes, you can scatter cremated remains, or "cremains" (funeral directors don't like that word much, but it gets used, same diff) on private property in Ohio, IF you have permission. Other states may have different guidelines, but the carbon and calcium grey powder in that container are sterile and safe. What you can't do is scatter them just anywhere. Ask the groundskeepers at Ohio Stadium at every home game: yes they will stop you, and yes, it just gets vacuumed up and thrown away if they don't. But please don't. Ditto Disney World or Cedar Point.
Yes, cemeteries can charge you for scattering ashes. Some do if they know you're doing it, some don't. If you ask, they'll tell you. Ditto for burying an urn. Yes, you can scatter ashes on inland waterways or lakes in Ohio; Lake Erie, like oceans, is a bit of a grey area, as technically you need to be three nautical miles from land by federal statute. I've heard that's oceans only, and I've also been told authoritatively Lake Erie counts as requiring the distance. Lawyers can sort that out, I'm sure.
Let's say you have permission from a landowner or are in a boat on an appropriate waterway, and you want to scatter ashes. Now what? A few cautions: first, make sure you know how to get into the heavy duty plastic bag inside the cardboard or plastic box you were given the ashes in. It's sealed shut, and the bag isn't something you just tear open. A good pair of scissors needs to be handy, or a very sharp knife.
If you've never dealt with ashes, I recommend you go where you plan to scatter them with a canister of talcum powder. Seriously. Stand there, and open the container, and pour some out. The ashes you have aren't all like that, but the six to eight pounds of material you have is a mix of what's like heavy dry sand and light powder. It's the powder that becomes an . . . issue. No, really. Think about wind direction, and who is standing where. Seriously, do that a few days before you take the ashes there with fellow mourners. See how it pours, and where it goes, and plan accordingly.
And an odd but awkward detail: that bag will still be coated inside somewhat with ash. Think about how you want to handle that. You may want to have water to rinse it and pour out there before putting the bag in the trash.
There is no one right way to handle a scattering of ashes when it's months later. I've talked mostly about the pragmatic side of the process, and will say a bit more about how you do it in company next week.
Jeff Gill is a writer, storyteller, and preacher in central Ohio; he's scattered ashes in some interesting locations over the years to family requests. Tell him anything but a Big Lebowski story at knapsack77@gmail.com, or follow @Knapsack on Twitter.
