Faith Works 5-2-2025
Jeff Gill
The imperatives of funeral customs, then & now
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Jeff Gill
The imperatives of funeral customs, then & now
___
Most of what happened around the death and subsequent funeral services for Pope Francis had a traditional ring to them.
Obviously, when the pope dies in Rome, tradition has much to say about how everything is handled (and yes, I've watched "Conclave"). But I'm thinking more of the whole sequence of how Francis died on Monday, had "calling hours" for three days, and a funeral followed by committal within the week.
Increasingly, this is not common anymore. As a parish minister, for many years, there was a sequence you kept in mind the moment you learned of a death, thinking through the days ahead, but the factors were a) where Sunday fell, because no one did funerals on Sundays, and b) plus or minus a couple of days at most. A death on Monday, especially if earlier in the day, could mean a meeting at the funeral home on Tuesday, then calling on Wednesday or Thursday or Friday, and the funeral and graveside on Thursday or Friday, with a Friday calling and Saturday funeral possible, but involving multiple complications (starting with extra charges for weekends, plus some cemeteries not open on Saturday at all).
Behind that decades long pattern was the urgency represented by the corpse. Even with embalming, there were and are practical limits to how long you could stretch out the process. And everyone, from employers to airlines, understood the pressure of time around those imperatives.
Those aren't gone, but they're much less often an issue because of the sea change in cultural acceptance of cremation. I hear different figures but in general what was under 5% of all deaths when I was a seminarian in the 1980s is up to 40% or even past 50% today. In some demographics, it's over 75%.
I've written before about this issue, the resulting increase in "homeless cremains." Urns and more often just the black boxes with heavy vinyl bags of ashes, left on shelves or in closets, and some family member ultimately left to ask "what should I do with these?" It's a topic I'm likely to come back to, as often as I get asked about it.
But more to the point here is the change in schedules, and logistics, and overall assumptions around memorial services when death is rapidly followed by cremation, no "viewing" (a subject on which there are many views, many opposed but some pastoral questions about how that obstructs the grieving process), and a celebration of life "event" at a point to be determined . . . later.
Clergy and morticians alike have noted the steady pressure towards Saturday services, and while a few religious traditions still maintain an absolute bar to Sunday funerals, the expectation that a Sunday afternoon funeral can be accommodated is high. I went thirty years never being asked; the first time it came up, the funeral home was already locked in, and family flight schedules were being made. So I did so, and found myself doing quite a few more in subsequent years.
To be blunt, funeral practices will not be rewinding back to "how we used to do it." The whole apparatus of caskets and vaults and plots and markers has moved into a price point where many families that might want to have a "regular funeral" can't afford to do one. Cremation will continue to be a new normal, and there's a case to be made for it on practical as well as financial grounds; some families hold out for a viewing, and cremation after using a "rental casket" for the calling.
What does concern me pastorally is how often deferred memorial services simply never happen. And the opportunity to come together as family, friends, and community is lost. We caught a hint of what that can mean at the funeral of Pope Francis.
Jeff Gill is a writer, storyteller, and preacher in central Ohio; he's made his funeral plans and suggests you do the same. Tell him what you know you don't want at yours at knapsack77@gmail.com, or follow @Knapsack77 on Threads or Bluesky.
Obviously, when the pope dies in Rome, tradition has much to say about how everything is handled (and yes, I've watched "Conclave"). But I'm thinking more of the whole sequence of how Francis died on Monday, had "calling hours" for three days, and a funeral followed by committal within the week.
Increasingly, this is not common anymore. As a parish minister, for many years, there was a sequence you kept in mind the moment you learned of a death, thinking through the days ahead, but the factors were a) where Sunday fell, because no one did funerals on Sundays, and b) plus or minus a couple of days at most. A death on Monday, especially if earlier in the day, could mean a meeting at the funeral home on Tuesday, then calling on Wednesday or Thursday or Friday, and the funeral and graveside on Thursday or Friday, with a Friday calling and Saturday funeral possible, but involving multiple complications (starting with extra charges for weekends, plus some cemeteries not open on Saturday at all).
Behind that decades long pattern was the urgency represented by the corpse. Even with embalming, there were and are practical limits to how long you could stretch out the process. And everyone, from employers to airlines, understood the pressure of time around those imperatives.
Those aren't gone, but they're much less often an issue because of the sea change in cultural acceptance of cremation. I hear different figures but in general what was under 5% of all deaths when I was a seminarian in the 1980s is up to 40% or even past 50% today. In some demographics, it's over 75%.
I've written before about this issue, the resulting increase in "homeless cremains." Urns and more often just the black boxes with heavy vinyl bags of ashes, left on shelves or in closets, and some family member ultimately left to ask "what should I do with these?" It's a topic I'm likely to come back to, as often as I get asked about it.
But more to the point here is the change in schedules, and logistics, and overall assumptions around memorial services when death is rapidly followed by cremation, no "viewing" (a subject on which there are many views, many opposed but some pastoral questions about how that obstructs the grieving process), and a celebration of life "event" at a point to be determined . . . later.
Clergy and morticians alike have noted the steady pressure towards Saturday services, and while a few religious traditions still maintain an absolute bar to Sunday funerals, the expectation that a Sunday afternoon funeral can be accommodated is high. I went thirty years never being asked; the first time it came up, the funeral home was already locked in, and family flight schedules were being made. So I did so, and found myself doing quite a few more in subsequent years.
To be blunt, funeral practices will not be rewinding back to "how we used to do it." The whole apparatus of caskets and vaults and plots and markers has moved into a price point where many families that might want to have a "regular funeral" can't afford to do one. Cremation will continue to be a new normal, and there's a case to be made for it on practical as well as financial grounds; some families hold out for a viewing, and cremation after using a "rental casket" for the calling.
What does concern me pastorally is how often deferred memorial services simply never happen. And the opportunity to come together as family, friends, and community is lost. We caught a hint of what that can mean at the funeral of Pope Francis.
Jeff Gill is a writer, storyteller, and preacher in central Ohio; he's made his funeral plans and suggests you do the same. Tell him what you know you don't want at yours at knapsack77@gmail.com, or follow @Knapsack77 on Threads or Bluesky.
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